The Holidays are approaching, and so are the Scams…..
(DISCLAIMER—VULGAR LANGUAGE-OBSCENITIES-PROFILING)
This morning I was on cup of coffee number 5, elbows deep in PTSD research and statistics for the upcoming week; when a phone call came in from one of those "weird" numbers. I always answer those weird numbers, because it is usually one of my guys. The numbers can look ordinary, with my prefix which means its routed through a DSN line then locally through a DSN switching area close by, or it can have 5 short numbers, or it can be 15 numbers long. It is always odd looking nonetheless. This morning was 15 numbers long and odd. I answered it with the HAPPY voice, just knowing it was one of the guys. WRONG.
It was some guy alright, purporting he was from the Government Internal Revenue Service to inform me that my number had been selected to "award" me $3000 for being such a "gem" as of late. Immediate red flags go up. SCAM SCAM SCAM. I can hear the babbling of telemarketers types in the background. This guy is partially scripted, and he has just disturbed hours of research, and he is NOT calling from AMERICA…he shall now PAY for his insolence.
He asks if I have filed bankruptcy in the last 3 months, and I say no. He asks if my zip code is "X" and I say yes. He asks if my phone number is "X" and I say yes. He asks if my name is "X" and I say yes. Now granted at this point I am getting worried and pissed off, because he has PRIVATE information, however, I want to know the extent of his information. He tells me that because I pay taxes, and I have not filed bankruptcy in this past 3 month "magical" period, or in the past year, I have been selected to receive this GRANT from the IRS for good "Country Behavior".
However, upon receiving this monetary prize of excellence, I may NOT use it for drugs or alcohol. Well damn that takes the joy out of being a drunken drug abusing American now doesn't it! (Who is this idiot?) I am thinking to myself, exactly how would they know…..but never mind, he continues, and asks me which bank would I like this Grant deposited into? Here is where I turned into "stupid don't know nuffin American and said "well shit fire man, into my account at ma bank!" He laughed, and said "ok ma'am, which bank is that? Your Banker will give you papers in black and white describing the transaction after the deposit is made, giving you details."
I said, "Wow, I ain't never seen ma banker afor…that'll be purty neat." Just put them monies in the bank down the road a piece, mmm k?" He says he needs the Bank's name.
I had to think on this for two seconds, because at this point, I am done playing with this person, and I heard in the background what I thought I would never hear, and my blood pressure shot up through my eyes! "PRAISES BE --- We have 4 more!"
Excuse the hell out me praise be to who???? I didn't catch that part?? So the guy says again, which bank ma'am? Now, I am red hot, I have just decided I don't give a flying rats ass if this is profiling or not, I have decided that this idiot is NOT American, he is from SOME damn country outside the United States, and he is scamming AMERICANS.
His accent is typical of "Hashibibble," which could be anything in the Middle East or OTHER. I give a damn; the phone number is 011-91-000-000-0000. (call comes from India-according to the international country coding index) Ultimately though, who knows exactly WHO they are working for, and for what purpose; other than to STEAL.
He asked ONCE more which bank, and I asked him where his building was located? Could I find it on a global security map? I would like to send some friends to come shake his hand personally. They have a gift of their own to present to him. The phone was quiet then. He didn't hang up, he just didn't say anything. I told him he was on speaker phone, and a room full of 100 Marines and 75 Army Infantry Soldiers had been listening to him. Could he please repeat that location? He hung up.
I am calling the IRS Criminal Investigation Department in the morning.
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