The Hours before Departure

The media, Hollywood, and movie makers have tried time and time again to invoke with scenes in a movie, how a soldiers spouse feels those last few hours before the soldier leaves on that plane. From my personal point of view, they haven't even gotten close yet. I suppose it would be hard to express with a movie script, the gut-wrenching, whirling mind and thoughts that occurs. Your body stands there, numb, thoughts are difficult to formulate except the ever present "this is it" that runs stomping through your mind. Your sweaty, nervous, sad, angry, extremely upset, and need to hold your soldier as tight as possible. You stand there, listening to his voice, barley able to understand what he is saying, listening to his heart beat, absorbing his breath, trying to "take in" every bit of him.
We do this, because time is the enemy. Time tends to erase the sounds, smells, and remembered touches shared as it presses forward. Usually you have a tee shirt left behind to snuggle with at night, or he will send you one upon request, even though he thinks it's weird. But we NEED this. It helps us cope, while simultaneously making our hearts ache.
Standing there that last hour is the hardest physically as well. Everything aches. Your hands, feet, legs, chest, arms, even your eyelids and eyebrows. The ache stems from the core of your body. This pain has no measure, because its simply to enormous.

Here is an idea, but honestly, unless you have dealt with it, it may mean nothing to you.

The EXACT feelings when you have those LAST hours with your husband, before you watch him board the plane. Standing there on the tarmac, in a crowd of soldiers and families, knowing time is ticking away before you hear a loud voice say "times up please leave the area". You stand there clutching his hand, holding him close, never knowing if that will be the last time you see him face to face, but having to push away that fear, push away all the terrible feelings that crop up, trying to fight back tears and stand strong with him. Sometimes to hide those tears you shove your face deep into his chest so no-one can see, including him, because for his sake and your own, your a "pretender", until you can maintain again and pull back to stare at him, memorizing every inch of his face that is already ingrained in your brain. So if anyone ever wonders what it feels like, or ever asks you what soldier's wives have told you about those defining moments, this is the explanation.

Santana "Hold On"

Don't rush me
just this once
I want to make this moment last
Slow down the pace, there's no hurry
I can't let another pass by me again
Let me be the one to say when I've had enough

Just let me
close my eyes,
memorize The way things are this minute
So when you're gone
I can go on
If memory can hold within it what I'm feeling
Should time try fading or stealing something away

Hold on,
nothings the same
Tell me why I feel this way
Life wouldn't be worth living without you
All along I've been the pretender
But now that's gone forever
Nobody's ever loved me like you do
Nobody's broken through

Got to concentrate,
find a way Every last detail
Don't wanna lose what's going down
I want to remember everything I'm feeling
Should time try fading or stealing something away